tilted on our axis
by supernovas
Summary: "You see, the mistake I made was realising that I loved you." —Sirius is sent to Azkaban and Remus misses him more than he should; wolfstar.


**notes | **this makes absolutely no sense, but it's one in the morning and that's my current emotion because i'm sad and i have had an awful night. um, enjoy?

—

so many foreign worlds

so relatively fucked

so ready for us.

_—creature fear, bon iver. _

—

You see, the mistake I made was realising that I loved you.

.

In my dreams, I climbed the final mountain as the last of the map you had so carefully laid out for me crumbled into nothing, and I stood upon its peak and I screamed to the world that I loved you.

But darling, after you've reached the top, love is just like falling. For seconds – five, four, three, two, one – for five beautiful seconds I was soaring; the clouds were within my reach and I thought that if I took one more step I could catch a star for you.

Except no one ever told me that the stars a balls of gas which burn like salt and ice to the skin. No one ever told me that once you've fallen off the cliff top, there's no way to climb back up.

.

I dream of fallingfallingfalling and when I awake my body is drenched in a cold sweat which burns and the moonlight falls in circles across the pictures on my skin.

And the worst thing is I still reach for you; my hands still search amongst the sheets and shadows, my voice still calls for you.

And you're never there. My hands just catch at empty space – an empty patch of sky where the star I tried to steal for you burnt into my body and I began to crumble into ashes.

.

I burn from inside out for you and in a way burning is worse than falling because at least when the ground is speeding up towards you, it's over oh so quickly and you can maybe pretend you're flying.

But flames consume me; they wrap their arms around me, whispering sweet nothings of ash and embers and a fiery heart.

It's your heart isn't it? It's your heart which is burning me because I let it into me a long time ago.

I let your heart take me.

You held me in your arms and you promised that you'd always be there and one day our names would be remembered as we danced among the stars.

And in return, I let your heart begin to burn into mine.

.

But nothing ever turns out as you'd like it, does it?

Because one moment your finger is raking the air and you're pointing out our constellations as my head rests the crook of your neck and I can smell oak and ink and leather but the next moment I'm screaming and I'm crying and my fists are beating at an empty bed because I loved you and I can't help but wonder I'm feeling so alone.

.

They say you killed them. You may not have pulled the trigger but your fingerprints were found on the bullets.

But I know you couldn't have done it.

You were wildwildwild and there always was a dangerous glint to your eyes but I know you're not a monster.

I'm the monster after all.

I'm the one whose fangs shine under the light of a full moon. I'm the one who would rip apart whole towns.

So I know about monsters – I know about evil – and if there's one thing I know even more, it's that you aren't either.

.

I miss you.

I think that's the main thing.

I miss you more than I burn and harder than I fall. I miss you like the constellation misses its star and the monster in me misses the moon.

I miss your kisses and your bites and your nips and the way you'd say my name.

I miss falling asleep knowing you were safe.

I miss you.

.

Maybe one day I'll stop falling. Maybe one day your heart will burn out and I will be left with a pile of ash to spell your name out in the ground with.

Maybe one day I will see you again and you'll look at me and you'll see your fire in my eyes and you'll realise that maybe it's time for our fire to burn out.

Maybe one day I will be back where I'll always believe I belong – with you, at the top of the world screaming that I FUCKING LOVE YOU without a single fear of falling.

Maybe one day loving you won't seem like such a crime; I'll be able to hand you the star I've carried in my pocket all these years and whispers the truth and maybe then our world will right itself.

Yours today,

Remus.


End file.
